Dancing on Wall Street

Spitzer Is Linked to Prostitution Ring

(Copied from NYT)

Holy Cow! At last some good news for our friends in the financial markets.

I absolutely cannot believe how cool this is. And I'm actually kind of a Spitzer fan. At last something fun to read about in the news. For some reason this headline has me picturing a group women of easy virtue holding hands in a circle singing, "Ring around the Rosie . . . "

Eliot, Eliot, Eliot. Didn't ET teach you that when you're feeling lonely, the best thing to do is just phone home?

I personally have always been frightened by prostitutes. Primarily because I'm a germophobe. But I also have this feeling that they have to be crazy, actually insane, to be in that line of work, and so might just inexplicably hurt me if I got too close to them. Let alone . . . you know.

But I do have a little prostitute story. I was in Vegas (natch) a few years ago when the Four Seasons was still in Manadalay Bay. So, there were only 2 floors to the Four Seasons, and I get in the elevator at 7:00 in the morning to go down one floor to a breakfast meeting at the hotel restaurant. A young lady, about 20 years old gets in with me. She's running down the hall barefoot to catch the elevator, chatting gleefully with her cellphone in one hand and holding her shoes in the other. A pair of clear, acrylic, backless, and very tall, stilettos. The stilettos were a big clue. In the time it takes to travel one floor by elevator, she looked me over while talking on her phone, wrapped up the conversation, introduced herself, whipped out a business card, and told me that if I was interested to give her a call later. She was a marvel of marketing efficiency.

This woman is not a prostitute. 10 points if you know who she is.

I told my wife about it when I got home because I thought the whole thing was so funny, and gave her the card. My wife then called the, well, "call girl," and gave her a lecture for propositioning her husband.

This is what passes for a wild story in my world. So thank you, Eliot, for spicing up my day.

He's supposed to have a press conference soon to discuss it. That just sounds like about the worst idea in the world. Or maybe the second worst at this point. Let's see what happens next.

More random thoughts for a Saturday

I've got nothing too interesting today, so if you get bored click over to Snake Nation, which is prety funny.

Well, I've realized that it's kind of ridiculous for a blogger to be using the Unabomber police sketch as a portrait de plum. For those of you too young to remember when it seemed to matter, the Unabomber was (is) a crazy-genius guy named Ted Kacynski who became a sort of anti-technology neo-Luddite, and went to live in the woods, a la David Thoreau. Or is it Henry Thoreau? Anyway, Ted failed to garner the same respect that Thoreau got for living in the woods, and everyone just thought that going without a proper toilet was further proof of Ted's craziness. Did I mention that he kept mailing bombs to people? That's what really got him in trouble. FBI 10 most wanted list, etc. But Ted had one thing that Thoreau did not . . . a super-dashing portrait done by an FBI sketch artist. He was the best looking terrorist since Che Guevera.

Hah! I'm way handsomer than Castro!

(Actual quote)

But, in the spirit of looking for humor under the dark clouds of domestic terrorism, we all got a big hoot when Ted was finally caught, and it turned out that he did not look anything at all like the dashing rogue in the sketch. Ted is a real dork, and looks it. So, the picture here is just an old joke, admittedly in bad taste. I know it's wrong to make fun of people, but making fun of bad people doesn't really seem that bad.

Onto other news.

As predicted here, we are, in fact, in a recession. I don't care what anyone else says, it's true.

Conversely, things have really turned around for me personally since I blogged a couple of months ago that my business was circling the bowl on the way to oblivion. I have no idea why, but things are much better. Of course, as a serious businessperson, I'll pretend I know exactly why and take full credit for it, while none too subtly implying that no other mortal could have pulled off such a stunning turn-around.

Hey, that's two toilet references in one blog! I usually try to avoid the bathroom talk because my wife finds it in poor taste. And she knows that this blog is me. Personally, what I worry more about is using too many or too few commas in my sentences. I also fret a lot about what to capitalize.

Onto yet another random Saturday topic, Gail Collins of the NYT is my new favorite columnist. Check her out. She is fun to read.

On the downside of columnism, why the Times felt compelled to hire a knuckleheaded douchebag like William Kristol is still beyond my comprehension. But when you're sitting way out here in the cheap seats, like I am, sometimes it's hard to see what all is going on up in the big city. But given the Times recent non-story on John McCain's maybe-it-might-be-true-if-you-believe-unattributed-gossip "inappropriate relationship" (i.e. we are too chickenshit to say he was having an affair), and the rest of it's recent trashy history, maybe the view from NYC isn't any better.

Which reminds me, I got to go to the other big city last week. Washington DC our nation's capital! Or is it capitol? Do you capitalize capital? What about capitol? The principle here is that the capitol is the principal building in the principal capital city. Hah, hah . . . you're a dork if you are still reading this paragraph.

George Washington, who discovered Washington DC in 1776

So anyway there I am in Washington DC our nation's capital and guess where I got to go? The Capitol! Hah! I finally learned what a "blue dog Democrat" is. It's a Republican! Just kidding. They are about 50 Senators and Representatives, all Democrats, who are all about maintaining fiscal responsibility in government, and keeping the budget balanced. Judging by results, these are the most incompetent and ineffective people in our governement. Hah again! Just kidding. Nobody gets judged by results in Washington DC our nation's capital. Blue Dogs is a cool name though.

So the actual Blue Dog Congressperson who I was talking to thinks that Obama is like a train coming down the tracks and is unstoppable. For what it's worth. Talk to me when the budget is balanced.

Then on Day 2 of our visit we got to go to "the hill" to see various House Reps, all Republicans, who were in a dither over something Barney Frank was proposing on "the floor" to bail out mortgagors. The Republicans did not like it one bit. They kept making a point of saying that it was Barney Frank behind it all, so I guessed that "Barney Frank" was part of their "talking points." For Republicans, "Barney Frank" is code for "fairy Massachusetts liberal" because the Republicans don't believe in evolution and therefore hate purple dinosaurs.

My two Senators were off voting on something else that I never quite caught, so instead of seeing them we all got to talk with their staffers, who did a dandy job of listening with earnest expressions and pretending to care. They even took notes.

Then I got to go see the Bloomberg news office, or at least I got to see the lobby, where they have free snacks. I like Bloomberg because my super-secret news contact works there. I also like Bloomberg because it is the home of super-sexy pundit in training Janine Zacharia. Aside from her infectious and spontaneous laugh, you have to dig Janine's "just rolled out of bed" hairstyle and the smokey voiced authority of her delivery. Plus, I bet she knows which brand of tequila is the best for doing shots. Didn't get to speak with Janine though, or even any of her staffers. But I still think she's a unique presence and we could use more of her.

Janine Zacharia - News Hotty

Then it was back home to the Atlanta exurbs where life is sweet. It snowed today, which is very unusual here, so we have the heat turned way up and have cancelled all sports practices. AND we get to sit inside and watch tv without feeling guilty. So guess who's back on the big tube? David Shuster!! Possibly the hardest working journalist on tv. I swear he's everywhere on MSNBC, pimping himself out for any show that will have him. (Sorry, I know you're sick of those jokes.) Shuster's great. His reports are tough and pointed. But the best part of David's schtick is that he has this crazy delivery, where his mouth moves in exagerated enunciations, like a slow explosion, while the rest of his face remains perfectly placid. Just like Clutch Cargo.

Welcome Back, David!

Possible TV Co-Anchor Dream Team - David Shuster, sitting perfectly still a la William Hurt in Broadcast News, and Janine Zacharia, who moves around so much while speaking that the camera has to pan back and she's at risk of falling out of her chair.

Boy, I'm starting to realize that I watch way to much tv. Maybe I'll take the kids to the McDonald's playground tomorrow and read the paper.

She's our girl and other random thoughts

Poor, poor pitiful me

Poor, poor pitiful me

These old boys won't let me be

Lord have mercy on me

Woe is me

(Apologies to Warren Zevon, wherever he is.)

Yeah, those black orphans and tortured POW's get all the breaks.

The Presidential election season continues to drag on and on and on. And boy, am I getting tired of it. For all of the tv channels that have the various "best political teams in the business," all I hear is the same old tired rehash day in and day out. The only place I see actual issues discussed is here on this internet.

Speaking of the internet, remember when everyone made fun of corrupt old fogey Senator Ted Stevens of Alaska for saying the internet was like a bunch of tubes? Sounded pretty stupid. But the IT guys where I work all keep referring to our internet access as pipes. It sounds kind of snappy and esoteric when they say it, though.

But this internet is definitely where things are at these days. Getting the details behind the headlines is pretty cool. On the downside though, not very good for workplace productivity. Here at my office, at any given moment, half of my employees are looking at espn.com, youtube, or laughing at some joke email their friend sent them. But of course, after these little mental health breaks, they all then buckle down to call their friends on their cell phones or go outside to smoke. I wonder if work is like this in China?

So anyway, I'm watching the news on tv telling me that Hillary "won" Texas and Ohio, even though she may or may not have won more actual delegates. Apparently Texans count very slowly, so we don't know who won what yet. Several reporters actually have said that the number delegates that the candidates won doesn't even matter, because Hillary's "win" has dominated this week's news cycle. What? Welcome to flabbergastoria.

We are back in Bushworld where we create our own reality. Or maybe we never left.

But, back on planet Earth, Hillary is behind in delegates, states, and the overall popular vote. Yet she has "proven she can win the big ones." Huh? She's losing! Late game rally? Sure, but there's not enough time for her to win in regulation. She needs this game to go into overtime to have any chance to win.

But then, if any of the candidates can do it, I'd say it was her. Her relentless drive and utter selfishness may carry the day over her more scruple burdened opponent. Does this character trait make her better qualified to lead us in this dangerous world? Some may say yes, but I say no.

At the end of the day, I really need Obama to win. If Hillary wins I won't feel like anything has changed. It will be more of the same old, same old. And I am tired of that. We need change badly, and I don't think Hillary can deliver it. She is hateful and hated. She promises to fight for us, but I for one am tired of fighting. Let's vote against all of the fighters. Sometimes you have to be tough to thrive in a tough world without fighting all the time. For us to thrive we need to stop fighting and start building. Friendships, schools, peace, and the future. There's a short building list to get started on.

Frankly, I don't think Hillary has the guts to end the war. Obama can do it because if he wins he will have the people's mandate to pull out now. McCain can end the war because he has the warrior cred to declare that it makes sense to end it now. You know, that Nixon - China thing.

Hillary is not known for her courage. Political, convictions, or personal. She is a woman who averted her eyes for years while her husband groped and poked any desperate female who would have him. What kind of courage is that? She keeps voting for the war but kind of, sort of wants to end it. If she's elected I fear that the country will just keep on dragging on aimlessly for 4 more years until we elect another republican.

Onto more interesting things. I'd love to see a quote from Michael Vick about that video of the Marines throwing the puppy on the cliff. At least Mike's dogs had a fighting chance.

Thanks goodness Mike is in federal prison. Soon to be possibly joined by Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens. Our tax dollars are hard at work. Maybe if Osama Bin Laden had been better at sports we would have caught him by now.