When the Cat's Away . . .

Dad is home alone this weekend due to a remote family bash and work conflicts. So let's get this party started!

First off, dinner! A fine meal of Tostitos, cheese and crackers, Hershey's Kisses, and beer. Mmm, mm, mmm. Not just delicious but vegetarian to boot. So it must be healthy.

Next, dogwalk. The pooch is still in training, so kudos to the little furball for keeping a clean floor while left alone. So, outside to "walk" with plastic bags and reward treats in hand. Mission accomplished. All systems are go.

The pup has been a huge addition to the family. Huge. Even though he himself is quite small. His arrival was anticipated for years by Mom and Dad, and for months by his two human brothers. Once the announcement was made, a flurry of little boy discussion followed, along with a surprisingly long series of dog movie picks for Friday night movie night. Dog movies are very funny. They really are.

Next up for Dad, work! There's a recession on you know, so working hard is very in vogue. Natch I accomplish about 20% of what I had hoped to get done. Because now the dog is throwing up. Uh oh.

I see what appears to be "not food." Don't know if this is good or bad. Thinking quickly and without any knowledge or expertise whatsoever, I act decisively. I give him water. Then, off on another dog walk. Things continue with the doggie illness for awhile but then calm down. We clean up everything, run laundry and settle down with another beer and some tv.
Remember that old Springsteen song, 57 Channels And Nothing On. I don't even know how many channels we have now, but the Friday night pickings were pathetic. Even CNBC and C-Span were showing infomercials. Made me wish I had some actual human friends in the area. There were ads for "live chat" with young ladies who were just waiting for my call. Frankly the ads are not very alluring. But I suddenly and sadly realize that I have become their target audience. All dressed up and no place to go. Except I'm in pajamas.
Only two friends in town, a dog and a tv, and one is throwing up and the other is boring me to tears. I briefly wonder how much the chat costs.

1-900-OKFACE

Maybe I should go out? I somehow have the feeling that I'm not allowed. There is a new movie theater up the road, but that's about the extent of my options. My brain is too tired to work. And I'm afraid to leave the dog. So it's off to bed with my Churchill book. Ah, Winston, my perfect bedmate. And I mean that literarily.

Saturday! Let's party! Except I have to finish the work that didn't get done yesterday and fedex it by noon. Crapola, because I am not a morning person. But . . . type, fill out forms, make copies, drive around . . . all done! The dog seems better, too.

OK, let the weekend bachelor fun start now! There's still lots of time and fun stuff to do. Like, uh, mowing the lawn, which has weeds up as high as my knees. First time this year, so dig out the lawn mower. Natch there's no gas, so off to the BP. Four hours later the lawn looks better and I am a middle aged hunk of hay fever. Achoooo! So, taking whatever meds happen to be in the house, it's dogwalk time again. This turns out to be the high point of my weekend. We do 2 miles, which is real exercise for me. I feel good about that. Feeling good can spread, so I decide no more tv for the weekend. This means that I eat dinner (ham & cheese sandwich) outside instead of in front of the boob tube. Man it is really nice out! Spring is here, birds are chirping, sun is going down, stars are coming out. This is actually better than tv! I talk to my neighbors, who are putting in a little garden wall. Human contact. Thanks goodness. I soak it up like a dry sponge.

It's nighttime and the dog wants to watch tv. This is his normal time at the end of the day with Mom when he gets to climb all over the furniture. It's hard to say no to a puppy, so we watch The Daily Show while he crawls all over me. Then it's another dogwalk and off to bed for both of us.

I really can't wait for my family to come home.

Sarah Palin Again!

All Eyes Are On Sarah!

So the big question on everyone's mind before she gives her prime time speech tonight is,

"What should she wear?"

Well, let's take a look and see what we think America's new Brown Eyed Girl should wear.

1. The heavy, cream colored silk jacket and black skirt from the other day?

No no no. First, it's too tight, making her look fat when she's not. (Especially next to Skinny Cindy.) Second, the flaired jacket over the dark skirt is a classic "hide my fat, enormous ass" trick that is not only unecessary here, but never fools anybody.

2. The Red Business Suit.

Red is the Republican's color of choice these days, so maybe. But I don't think so. It's time to face some harsh truths. Sarah looks hairy. In the way that Greek girls tend to. She has really really thick, dark hair, bushy eyebrows, and wispy hints of sideburns. So far, no big woop. But throw in a pretty significant nose and a jawbone that you could slay a mammoth with, and you have some very strong features that need to be addressed.

The red does nothing for her. Sarah's skin is not red toned, it is brown toned. All the red suit does is call attention to her bright red lipstick, which then makes you realize that she has put herself into the wrong colors. And that is not the kind of judgment we look for in a Vice President.

3. How about a pale gray business suit?

Again, no. While this might be OK as an office staple, this shade makes her normally warm, brown toned skin look grayish, which does not look healthy. And we want Sarah to look healthy! She is a vibrant, strong woman who can kill an elk with a knife, have five babies, and win fights with cops! She cannot show up appearing anemic. Gray is out. Besides, it's a boring color.

Compare the same suit on someone with pink toned skin. That is where this color works.

4. No scarves. Please.

5. Ditto for turtlenecks.

6. Same for . . . oh my God it's one of those puffy down coats from the 80's!

Congrats to Sarah for having a Black Friend! They can't be easy to find in Alaska. But that does not excuse the coat.

7. OK, don't avert your eyes yet. Try to ignore the crazy blue shirt collar for a moment, and look at how Sarah's skin responds to the brown windbreaker here. It's very comlementary. I think brown may work for Sarah. Plus it's an unusual color, which will create buzz.

8. How about basic black?

Well, it is an evening event, and it's officially fall, but I just don't think that black will work well, either for Sarah or for tv. The stage seems dark already, and with her dark mass of hair, she may well just seem to disappear.

9. Prom Dress?

YES!!! This is a direction we can work with. Not the pink, but definitely the glam. It's Prime Time, baby! Time to put on a show! Slam 'em and glam 'em and razzle bedazzle 'em. Tonight is Sarah's night to make a statement. No suits. No jackets. No Plain Jane, Sister Bertrille outfits. You're a woman, so look like a woman!

A few things work well here. First, going with an evening gown or dress will make Sarah look more sophisticated. The business suits make her kind of look like a school marm who just got promoted to vice principal. And she needs a little sophistication to snuff out an ugly "hillbilly woman" narrative that is beginning to get some traction.

Second, Sarah is curvy. Just like a woman! A dress will emphasize this in a positive way. After all, the woman thing is part of the sales pitch, right?

Third, the open neckline works really well because Sarah's face area is so busy with all of the hair, the glasses, the big earrings. Not to mention the schnozz and the jawbone. An open neckline gives these things some room to breathe. Sarah has a lovely face and it needs a large frame.

10. Legs.

Sarah's got legs. So make the dress knee length. This will also look more traditional and be way easier to walk around in.

Summary - So, I think what we are looking for is a knee length, brown dress with an open neckline. Here are some visual cues:

Greek Girl in an open neckline

Some Random Brown Dresses

Throw in your handsome husband, and it's the night of your dreams.