Sarah Palin Again!

All Eyes Are On Sarah!

So the big question on everyone's mind before she gives her prime time speech tonight is,

"What should she wear?"

Well, let's take a look and see what we think America's new Brown Eyed Girl should wear.

1. The heavy, cream colored silk jacket and black skirt from the other day?

No no no. First, it's too tight, making her look fat when she's not. (Especially next to Skinny Cindy.) Second, the flaired jacket over the dark skirt is a classic "hide my fat, enormous ass" trick that is not only unecessary here, but never fools anybody.

2. The Red Business Suit.

Red is the Republican's color of choice these days, so maybe. But I don't think so. It's time to face some harsh truths. Sarah looks hairy. In the way that Greek girls tend to. She has really really thick, dark hair, bushy eyebrows, and wispy hints of sideburns. So far, no big woop. But throw in a pretty significant nose and a jawbone that you could slay a mammoth with, and you have some very strong features that need to be addressed.

The red does nothing for her. Sarah's skin is not red toned, it is brown toned. All the red suit does is call attention to her bright red lipstick, which then makes you realize that she has put herself into the wrong colors. And that is not the kind of judgment we look for in a Vice President.

3. How about a pale gray business suit?

Again, no. While this might be OK as an office staple, this shade makes her normally warm, brown toned skin look grayish, which does not look healthy. And we want Sarah to look healthy! She is a vibrant, strong woman who can kill an elk with a knife, have five babies, and win fights with cops! She cannot show up appearing anemic. Gray is out. Besides, it's a boring color.

Compare the same suit on someone with pink toned skin. That is where this color works.

4. No scarves. Please.

5. Ditto for turtlenecks.

6. Same for . . . oh my God it's one of those puffy down coats from the 80's!

Congrats to Sarah for having a Black Friend! They can't be easy to find in Alaska. But that does not excuse the coat.

7. OK, don't avert your eyes yet. Try to ignore the crazy blue shirt collar for a moment, and look at how Sarah's skin responds to the brown windbreaker here. It's very comlementary. I think brown may work for Sarah. Plus it's an unusual color, which will create buzz.

8. How about basic black?

Well, it is an evening event, and it's officially fall, but I just don't think that black will work well, either for Sarah or for tv. The stage seems dark already, and with her dark mass of hair, she may well just seem to disappear.

9. Prom Dress?

YES!!! This is a direction we can work with. Not the pink, but definitely the glam. It's Prime Time, baby! Time to put on a show! Slam 'em and glam 'em and razzle bedazzle 'em. Tonight is Sarah's night to make a statement. No suits. No jackets. No Plain Jane, Sister Bertrille outfits. You're a woman, so look like a woman!

A few things work well here. First, going with an evening gown or dress will make Sarah look more sophisticated. The business suits make her kind of look like a school marm who just got promoted to vice principal. And she needs a little sophistication to snuff out an ugly "hillbilly woman" narrative that is beginning to get some traction.

Second, Sarah is curvy. Just like a woman! A dress will emphasize this in a positive way. After all, the woman thing is part of the sales pitch, right?

Third, the open neckline works really well because Sarah's face area is so busy with all of the hair, the glasses, the big earrings. Not to mention the schnozz and the jawbone. An open neckline gives these things some room to breathe. Sarah has a lovely face and it needs a large frame.

10. Legs.

Sarah's got legs. So make the dress knee length. This will also look more traditional and be way easier to walk around in.

Summary - So, I think what we are looking for is a knee length, brown dress with an open neckline. Here are some visual cues:

Greek Girl in an open neckline

Some Random Brown Dresses

Throw in your handsome husband, and it's the night of your dreams.

Sarah Palin

Big John giving the Tony Soprano Fist Pump

John McCain is apparently determined that if any torch is to be passed to a new generation of Americans, he wants to do the passing. Thusly, we are introduced to Alaska Governor Sarah Palin.

My wife already hates her.

Oddly, I predicted this pick in my May 9, 2008 post. And since I'm rarely right about these things prediction-wise, please permit me to point this one out.

Although I disagree with Sarah about many political issues, what little I know about her I find charming. "Charming" is not supposed to be a basis for picking elected political leaders, but that's democracy! I can base my vote on any thing I damn well please! And I will.

I am assuming this is fake

While others harp, I give kudos. McCain obviously knows that sometimes you just have to say, "What the fuck . . ." and take a leap of faith. That's what this looks like to me. Not desperation, but a real leap of faith.

McCain had to see that the big picture had him drifting toward defeat. But this election is still winnable for him. He needed to bust a move, but a smart one. Boldness is risky with the electorate these days, especially after all that "bring it on" idiocy that Curious George gave us didn't work out so well. So McCain found in Sarah a bold move that can rightly be characterized as a bold Return To Responsibility. She's a real reformer, with some energy policy cred, and has stood firm against wasteful government spending when taxes and the budget deficit should be big issues in this election.

News-wise, this pick seems to have had a good short term effect. Sarah's pick has truncated the buzz of Obama's great speech. If not for the hurricane (Gustav), she'd be the talk of the town right now. The pregnant teen daughter story should run for the rest of the election. Will she get married? Is the boyfriend a bum? How do we know it's his? What kind of nightmare family is he going to bring to this fiesta? That should help to kill the Dem's narrative that the GOP ticket is out of touch with low class Americans.

Sarah, all the while, is one perky peach. The giant, ultra-white smile, the big goofy glasses, the aura of the nerdy, brainy girl who turns out to be a real hotty at the end of the movie. In a middle-aged, Republican sort of way, of course. Even the dorky, Francis McDormand Fargo accent. It's all somehow appealing. All of her quirkiness makes her seem more normal.

Compare that to Mitt Romney, whose lack of personal faults and Ward Cleaver type of hyper-normalcy just make him seem weird.

Sarah's Alaska roots make her more outdoorsy than everyone I know. She sounds like some kind of hunter-gatherer woman who has a double life as an executive in the city. But I would definitely want her on my Survivor team.

Sarah as Miss Nude Alaska 1984

The real speculation is whether Sarah can attract the Pumas. Pumas!!! Hah hah! Who made that name up? (Party Unity My Ass, in case you were wondering.) These are the women who are still mad about Obama beating Hillary. And they are specifically mad at Obama. I'm not sure why.

Well, most of these Puma gals are verrrrry pro-choice. And Sarah is not. So, a Republican vagina on the ballot may not be enough to get them excited.

But . . . it may very well be enough to get a lot of the more politically conservative women excited. Excited enough to get out and vote, when they would otherwise be too busy. Except for the occasional loud mouthed tv kook, like Ann Coulter or Laura Ingraham, these women are a largely ignored demographic. But there's a lot of them around here, and in other "swing states" too.

Laura Ingraham - Loud & Stupid

Coulter - Skanky, Obnoxious, Inexplicably Famous

So, we'll have to see how Sarah performs on the big stage. I will definitely watch the Veep Debate now, where I probably would have skipped it if Romney or Pawlenty was the candidate. I think Biden will do well against a woman. Catholic boys are taught good manners, and learn how to argue with a Nun without going over the line.

At least now we have a reason for watching the election again.

Don't forget to vote!

Mid-Week Catch As Catch Can

Michael Phelps - The longest of long drinks of water. Can he possibly not be on steroids? 5 Golds and counting . . .

I kind of hate this guy

Russia invades Georgia. The other one. But now they promise to pull out. We've all made that promise before. Can you trust a pull-out promise from a guy named Putin?

While on that topic . . .

John Edwards . . . how long is this stupidity going to last? For a long time as far as I can tell. Is anyone else intrigued by the evidentiary/pornographic possibilities raised by the fact that his mistress was a videographer? A videographer who praised Mr. Edwards for his willingness to "try new things?" There must be a video around somewhere.

Looking at my older posts, I realize that someone has hacked in and inserted a variety of typos, non-sequiturs, and overly vague and esoteric references. It's pretty frustrating.

Bloomberg News is quoting Dennis Gartman that oil will go down to $80 a barrel. Hmmmm. Where have I heard that before? Oh yeah. Right here last week.

Almost a year and a half ago T. Boone Pickens predicted $100 a barrel before any other serious players. Now he's promoting a wind based energy independence plan for the US. Sounds good to me.

T. Boone - Ahead of the Curve

What's in the head of a 5 year old boy? My son plays games in his head while sitting around the house or in the car. Asked what he was thinking about, he replied, "Pokemon, Scooby Doo, Star Wars, and Giants. All of those."

Quick Movie Reviews:

The Ruins - Not good, but not terrible. For older teenagers.

Chimps in Space - The kids loved it.

WALL - E - Great movie. We all loved it.