Well, I've realized that it's kind of ridiculous for a blogger to be using the Unabomber police sketch as a portrait de plum. For those of you too young to remember when it seemed to matter, the Unabomber was (is) a crazy-genius guy named Ted Kacynski who became a sort of anti-technology neo-Luddite, and went to live in the woods, a la David Thoreau. Or is it Henry Thoreau? Anyway, Ted failed to garner the same respect that Thoreau got for living in the woods, and everyone just thought that going without a proper toilet was further proof of Ted's craziness. Did I mention that he kept mailing bombs to people? That's what really got him in trouble. FBI 10 most wanted list, etc. But Ted had one thing that Thoreau did not . . . a super-dashing portrait done by an FBI sketch artist. He was the best looking terrorist since Che Guevera.
But, in the spirit of looking for humor under the dark clouds of domestic terrorism, we all got a big hoot when Ted was finally caught, and it turned out that he did not look anything at all like the dashing rogue in the sketch. Ted is a real dork, and looks it. So, the picture here is just an old joke, admittedly in bad taste. I know it's wrong to make fun of people, but making fun of bad people doesn't really seem that bad.
Onto other news.
As predicted here, we are, in fact, in a recession. I don't care what anyone else says, it's true.
Conversely, things have really turned around for me personally since I blogged a couple of months ago that my business was circling the bowl on the way to oblivion. I have no idea why, but things are much better. Of course, as a serious businessperson, I'll pretend I know exactly why and take full credit for it, while none too subtly implying that no other mortal could have pulled off such a stunning turn-around.
Hey, that's two toilet references in one blog! I usually try to avoid the bathroom talk because my wife finds it in poor taste. And she knows that this blog is me. Personally, what I worry more about is using too many or too few commas in my sentences. I also fret a lot about what to capitalize.
Onto yet another random Saturday topic, Gail Collins of the NYT is my new favorite columnist. Check her out. She is fun to read.
On the downside of columnism, why the Times felt compelled to hire a knuckleheaded douchebag like William Kristol is still beyond my comprehension. But when you're sitting way out here in the cheap seats, like I am, sometimes it's hard to see what all is going on up in the big city. But given the Times recent non-story on John McCain's maybe-it-might-be-true-if-you-believe-unattributed-gossip "inappropriate relationship" (i.e. we are too chickenshit to say he was having an affair), and the rest of it's recent trashy history, maybe the view from NYC isn't any better.
Which reminds me, I got to go to the other big city last week. Washington DC our nation's capital! Or is it capitol? Do you capitalize capital? What about capitol? The principle here is that the capitol is the principal building in the principal capital city. Hah, hah . . . you're a dork if you are still reading this paragraph.
So anyway there I am in Washington DC our nation's capital and guess where I got to go? The Capitol! Hah! I finally learned what a "blue dog Democrat" is. It's a Republican! Just kidding. They are about 50 Senators and Representatives, all Democrats, who are all about maintaining fiscal responsibility in government, and keeping the budget balanced. Judging by results, these are the most incompetent and ineffective people in our governement. Hah again! Just kidding. Nobody gets judged by results in Washington DC our nation's capital. Blue Dogs is a cool name though.
Then on Day 2 of our visit we got to go to "the hill" to see various House Reps, all Republicans, who were in a dither over something Barney Frank was proposing on "the floor" to bail out mortgagors. The Republicans did not like it one bit. They kept making a point of saying that it was Barney Frank behind it all, so I guessed that "Barney Frank" was part of their "talking points." For Republicans, "Barney Frank" is code for "fairy Massachusetts liberal" because the Republicans don't believe in evolution and therefore hate purple dinosaurs.
My two Senators were off voting on something else that I never quite caught, so instead of seeing them we all got to talk with their staffers, who did a dandy job of listening with earnest expressions and pretending to care. They even took notes.
Then I got to go see the Bloomberg news office, or at least I got to see the lobby, where they have free snacks. I like Bloomberg because my super-secret news contact works there. I also like Bloomberg because it is the home of super-sexy pundit in training Janine Zacharia. Aside from her infectious and spontaneous laugh, you have to dig Janine's "just rolled out of bed" hairstyle and the smokey voiced authority of her delivery. Plus, I bet she knows which brand of tequila is the best for doing shots. Didn't get to speak with Janine though, or even any of her staffers. But I still think she's a unique presence and we could use more of her.
Janine Zacharia - News Hotty
Then it was back home to the Atlanta exurbs where life is sweet. It snowed today, which is very unusual here, so we have the heat turned way up and have cancelled all sports practices. AND we get to sit inside and watch tv without feeling guilty. So guess who's back on the big tube? David Shuster!! Possibly the hardest working journalist on tv. I swear he's everywhere on MSNBC, pimping himself out for any show that will have him. (Sorry, I know you're sick of those jokes.) Shuster's great. His reports are tough and pointed. But the best part of David's schtick is that he has this crazy delivery, where his mouth moves in exagerated enunciations, like a slow explosion, while the rest of his face remains perfectly placid. Just like Clutch Cargo.