All Eyes Are On Sarah!
So the big question on everyone's mind before she gives her prime time speech tonight is,
"What should she wear?"
Well, let's take a look and see what we think America's new Brown Eyed Girl should wear.
1. The heavy, cream colored silk jacket and black skirt from the other day?
No no no. First, it's too tight, making her look fat when she's not. (Especially next to Skinny Cindy.) Second, the flaired jacket over the dark skirt is a classic "hide my fat, enormous ass" trick that is not only unecessary here, but never fools anybody.
2. The Red Business Suit.
Red is the Republican's color of choice these days, so maybe. But I don't think so. It's time to face some harsh truths. Sarah looks hairy. In the way that Greek girls tend to. She has really really thick, dark hair, bushy eyebrows, and wispy hints of sideburns. So far, no big woop. But throw in a pretty significant nose and a jawbone that you could slay a mammoth with, and you have some very strong features that need to be addressed.
The red does nothing for her. Sarah's skin is not red toned, it is brown toned. All the red suit does is call attention to her bright red lipstick, which then makes you realize that she has put herself into the wrong colors. And that is not the kind of judgment we look for in a Vice President.
3. How about a pale gray business suit?
Again, no. While this might be OK as an office staple, this shade makes her normally warm, brown toned skin look grayish, which does not look healthy. And we want Sarah to look healthy! She is a vibrant, strong woman who can kill an elk with a knife, have five babies, and win fights with cops! She cannot show up appearing anemic. Gray is out. Besides, it's a boring color.
Compare the same suit on someone with pink toned skin. That is where this color works.
4. No scarves. Please.
5. Ditto for turtlenecks.
6. Same for . . . oh my God it's one of those puffy down coats from the 80's!
Congrats to Sarah for having a Black Friend! They can't be easy to find in Alaska. But that does not excuse the coat.
7. OK, don't avert your eyes yet. Try to ignore the crazy blue shirt collar for a moment, and look at how Sarah's skin responds to the brown windbreaker here. It's very comlementary. I think brown may work for Sarah. Plus it's an unusual color, which will create buzz.
8. How about basic black?
Well, it is an evening event, and it's officially fall, but I just don't think that black will work well, either for Sarah or for tv. The stage seems dark already, and with her dark mass of hair, she may well just seem to disappear.
9. Prom Dress?
YES!!! This is a direction we can work with. Not the pink, but definitely the glam. It's Prime Time, baby! Time to put on a show! Slam 'em and glam 'em and razzle bedazzle 'em. Tonight is Sarah's night to make a statement. No suits. No jackets. No Plain Jane, Sister Bertrille outfits. You're a woman, so look like a woman!
A few things work well here. First, going with an evening gown or dress will make Sarah look more sophisticated. The business suits make her kind of look like a school marm who just got promoted to vice principal. And she needs a little sophistication to snuff out an ugly "hillbilly woman" narrative that is beginning to get some traction.
Second, Sarah is curvy. Just like a woman! A dress will emphasize this in a positive way. After all, the woman thing is part of the sales pitch, right?
Third, the open neckline works really well because Sarah's face area is so busy with all of the hair, the glasses, the big earrings. Not to mention the schnozz and the jawbone. An open neckline gives these things some room to breathe. Sarah has a lovely face and it needs a large frame.
10. Legs.
Sarah's got legs. So make the dress knee length. This will also look more traditional and be way easier to walk around in.
Summary - So, I think what we are looking for is a knee length, brown dress with an open neckline. Here are some visual cues:
Greek Girl in an open neckline
Some Random Brown Dresses
Throw in your handsome husband, and it's the night of your dreams.
