There She Goes Again

Apparently Words Sort of Matter Sometimes

Latest Press Release From:

Just Embellished Words: Senator Obama’s Record of Exaggerations & Misstatements
Once again, the Obama campaign is getting caught saying one thing while doing another. They are personally attacking Hillary even though Sen. Obama has been found mispeaking and embellishing facts about himself more than ten times in recent months. Senator Obama’s campaign is based on words –not a record of deeds – and if those words aren’t backed up by facts, there’s not much else left.
"Senator Obama has called himself a constitutional professor, claimed credit for passing legislation that never left committee, and apparently inflated his role as a community organizer among other issues. When it comes to his record, just words won't do. Senator Obama will have to use facts as well," Clinton spokesman Phil Singer said.
Sen. Obama consistently and falsely claims that he was a law professor. The Sun-Times reported that, "Several direct-mail pieces issued for Obama's primary [Senate] campaign said he was a law professor at the University of Chicago. He is not. He is a senior lecturer (now on leave) at the school. In academia, there is a vast difference between the two titles. Details matter." In academia, there's a significant difference: professors have tenure while lecturers do not.

And a responsive Press Release from the University of Chicago:

Statement Regarding Barack Obama

The Law School has received many media requests about Barack Obama, especially about his status as "Senior Lecturer."
From 1992 until his election to the U.S. Senate in 2004, Barack Obama served as a professor in the Law School. He was a Lecturer from 1992 to 1996. He was a Senior Lecturer from 1996 to 2004, during which time he taught three courses per year. Senior Lecturers are considered to be members of the Law School faculty and are regarded as professors, although not full-time or tenure-track. The title of Senior Lecturer is distinct from the title of Lecturer, which signifies adjunct status. Like Obama, each of the Law School's Senior Lecturers have high-demand careers in politics or public service, which prevent full-time teaching. Several times during his 12 years as a professor in the Law School, Obama was invited to join the faculty in a full-time tenure-track position, but he declined.

The bolding was added by me.

Res Ipsa Loquitur, y'all.

Swinger's Update

Woo Hoo!

More tidbits of data on the secret Swinger network here in the north Atlanta suburbs.

We've learned of two more ways that Swingers signal each other. Secret Swinger signals include flamingos, not real ones, either plastic ones or pictures of them. No word on color requirements. This disclosure recalled for us that a mid-50ish couple who moved last summer from down the street had a bunch of Flamingos at their moving away yard sale. Hmm.

Why flamingos? Beats me. But I'm studying them for clues.

So far, I've learned that Flamingos are not all necessarily pink, and apparently they come from Las Vegas, the Swinger capital of the world. So, having the Flamingo as the Swinger mascot makes some good sense.

Swinger HQ

Another secret Swinger signal is to decorate the ground around your mailbox post with rocks. This makes sense around here, where rocks are not generally used in decorative landscaping. Typically the small area around your mailbox post will be just grass, or pine straw, or flowers. But not rocks. So, this should leave less room for potential misunderstandings, which could be very awkward given the subject matter.

Well, gee, I'm really sorry dude, but when I saw the rocks around your mailbox I figured it would be cool to sleep with your wife.

Yeah, we've all been there.

One can also decorate the mailbox with additional hints about oneself!

Not-so-subliminal Bragging

So, flamingos and mailbox rocks. Swinger magnets.

One more piece of news. But first to set the scene, we live in a pretty big development of 1,100 homes, broken up into smaller neighborhoods. The neighborhoods are conveniently sorted more or less by "price points," so we all know pretty much how much everyone else's house cost. This is a big point of interest in suburbs generally. Our neighborhood is about the smallest, with 70 houses.

But . . . word is that the Swingers are shunning us. And by "us" I mean our whole little neighborhood. Which is shocking when you consider how incredibly attractive and interesting we are as a group. I feel oddly insulted and hurt, like I've been turned down by a prostitute.

So, why the Swinger snub? Well, it's Bunko's fault. The ladies on our street play Bunko. Bunko, I'm told, is a game that requires only slightly more skill than Deal or No Deal. It is played by suburban women who are looking for a good excuse to get out of the house and drink heavily with their friends. Why they think they need an excuse for that escapes me. And Bunko is not just an activity, it's a league. There are prizes. There's a waiting list to get in. There aren't any playoffs or anything, but there is a lot of gossip. And there's the rub.

The Swingers are afraid of the Bunko gossip. Or at least one is.

As the story goes, from a local Realtor, a woman was looking at a house on our street, but shied away after hearing how the Bunko league worked. Apparently she was "swinging" with a guy on the street, and didn't want his wife to find out. Well! This raises all kinds of questions! I thought that to be a Swinger that you had to do it as a team. Otherwise you're just some horny guy, or chick, trying to get laid. If you're just sleeping with another woman behind your wife's back, that's not swinging, that's cheating, fooling around, getting some on the side, etc.

I am really disappointed in the integrity of our local Swingers. You'd think there would be standards.

Like A Good Neighbor

I'm in the recently "finished" basement of my neighbor Lance on Friday night, drinking cold Sam Adams from a pint glass, freshly poured for the tap of his granite countered bar. It is a sweet set up. The kids are playing Wii bowling on his 50 inch flat screen, and we've just ordered pizza. And I can walk home later when I'm slightly drunk. Another guy neighbor and our wives are also hanging out.

So far, a typical suburban scene. But, tonight, there is big news.

Swingers. In our midst.

Swingers

I've heard whispers in the past, but now the story is fleshing itself out, if you will. Like a slowly spreading urban myth. And, just like an urban myth, you just want to believe it's all true. Because it makes life a little more exciting just to know about it.

So, apparently the Swingers are embedded in little groups throughout our neighborhood, as well as other neighborhoods around our north metro area. Word is that they primarily stick with their own group, or cell, of three or four couples. A kind of Swinger fidelity. But, they can communicate with other Swinger cells by using secret Swinger signals, and possibly websites. There is a whole secret Swinger society out there, and it's active. If you know what I mean.

Tommy Dorsey - The King of Swing

And, we've learned that one of their signals is to walk through Publix with an upside-down pineapple in the grocery cart. So, naturally, my wife and I looked up "upside-down pineapple" and "swingers" on Google when we got home. But all we found were a bunch of recipes for cake. We would obviously not make good Swingers.

But just knowing there are Swingers around kind of feels like being in a night club when I was younger, and knowing there were criminals around. It made the whole scene seem more exciting. But even then I knew that, really, I really just wanted to be in the know, and not directly involved. And while there is still something left of the young doofus inside of me, who thinks it would be great if my wife let me have a bunch of women around who wanted to have sex with me, I know that logistically and hygenically (not to mention ethically), that it's just not for me.

So, my wife and her friends are discussing having one of them go through Publix (Publix!) with an upside-down pineapple, while another surreptitiously videotapes what happens. Just like on 20-20. They're kidding, of course, but I know that my wife would love to really do it. The word is that the Publix near Laurel Springs is a promising Swinger site.

Stay tuned for updates. And be discreet.