Saturday, March 29, 2008

Like A Good Neighbor

I'm in the recently "finished" basement of my neighbor Lance on Friday night, drinking cold Sam Adams from a pint glass, freshly poured for the tap of his granite countered bar. It is a sweet set up. The kids are playing Wii bowling on his 50 inch flat screen, and we've just ordered pizza. And I can walk home later when I'm slightly drunk. Another guy neighbor and our wives are also hanging out.


So far, a typical suburban scene. But, tonight, there is big news.

Swingers. In our midst.

Swingers

I've heard whispers in the past, but now the story is fleshing itself out, if you will. Like a slowly spreading urban myth. And, just like an urban myth, you just want to believe it's all true. Because it makes life a little more exciting just to know about it.

So, apparently the Swingers are embedded in little groups throughout our neighborhood, as well as other neighborhoods around our north metro area. Word is that they primarily stick with their own group, or cell, of three or four couples. A kind of Swinger fidelity. But, they can communicate with other Swinger cells by using secret Swinger signals, and possibly websites. There is a whole secret Swinger society out there, and it's active. If you know what I mean.

Tommy Dorsey - The King of Swing

And, we've learned that one of their signals is to walk through Publix with an upside-down pineapple in the grocery cart. So, naturally, my wife and I looked up "upside-down pineapple" and "swingers" on Google when we got home. But all we found were a bunch of recipes for cake. We would obviously not make good Swingers.

But just knowing there are Swingers around kind of feels like being in a night club when I was younger, and knowing there were criminals around. It made the whole scene seem more exciting. But even then I knew that, really, I really just wanted to be in the know, and not directly involved. And while there is still something left of the young doofus inside of me, who thinks it would be great if my wife let me have a bunch of women around who wanted to have sex with me, I know that logistically and hygenically (not to mention ethically), that it's just not for me.

So, my wife and her friends are discussing having one of them go through Publix (Publix!) with an upside-down pineapple, while another surreptitiously videotapes what happens. Just like on 20-20. They're kidding, of course, but I know that my wife would love to really do it. The word is that the Publix near Laurel Springs is a promising Swinger site.

Stay tuned for updates. And be discreet.

15 comments:

Mark G. said...

I had heard the same thing about the pineapple at the publix a month or two ago. I co-worker mentioned it as something he heard from a friend, or a friend of a friend. Sounded urban-legendy to me. I meant to look it up it but only remembered it a moment ago. When I google it your blog was the first thing that came up.

Anonymous said...

As a swinger, I have conferred with the rest of my "Clan" and not one of us had heard about this. Sounds like something made up to make us draw more attention to ourselves.

Anonymous said...

I would also like to add, if we were going to use a fruit, as a signal, why an upside down one? I much prefer to just go to our local website, and yes we have several of them. There are at least 4 separate "groups" for West Michigan alone.

Anonymous said...

I have heard somewhat of the same myth, and am dying to know if it's true! I've heard of the idea that a swinger couple brings a platter of only pineapple over to a host's house as an appetizer or dessert I'd assume, but as a signal to the other couple of "Are you swingers? Are you interested in us?". This is coming from NE Florida. I thought the whole idea of using a pineapple was totally random and bizarre, so now I just have to know!

Anonymous said...

The notion that the "pineapple" is a secret swinger signal is nonsense...at least in the Eastern US. We have been active swingers for a number of years and have many friend in "the lifestyle" (as it is commonly called) and the "Pineapple" symbol is more of a joke than anything else. It either originate as a joke or it was started by "Vanilla's" (non-swingers) because maybe someone found out that their neighbors were swingers and they happened to have a Pineapple Porch Flag.
The long and short of it is that we (swingers) have the internet, we don't need fruit. If any of you Vanilla's are curious (It's a GREAT lifestyle) fine a reputable website and Play Away!!!!!

Alighieri said...

I have heard of this and it is apparently growning in "acceptance." I am in the lifestyle and one of the reason has been stated that pineapple especially (any citrus fruit really) makes bodily fluids sweeter. You can see why then a pineapple might make a good swinger symbol.

Anonymous said...

im gonna go to publix right now and try it walk around with my wife for a few so if your in tallahassee and you see us with a pine apple feal free to stop and say hi haha

Anonymous said...

It's now a running joke in our "clan"... No one has ever heard of it until a bunch of vanilla moms were discussing it with a friend at the park. I'm now seeing references to pineapples on the swinger sites!! I'm tempted to do a pineapple-themed house party! LOL

Anonymous said...

My cousin told me yesterday that when he was at the grocery store shopping for pineapples, a woman kept staring at him while he was looking at them. He then heard on the radio that pineapples are a type of signal indicating that you are a "swinger." Putting a pineapple in your front windowsill is supposed to be some kind of beacon for inviting others. Maybe it's an urban legend, but it certainly adds a little excitement to an ordinary pineapple.

Anonymous said...

Well, I sure would like a DISCREET way of knowing or finding out. I live in North Metro Atlanta and have no clue how to go about meeting swingers and what's "kosher" and what's not. Definitely would at least like to meet some cool, open minded people. What are these "websites"?

Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh! My boyfriend & I planted several pineapples in our front planter in plain view from the street. My sister teased us that is was the "secret handshake" of the swinger community. Two days later, we had a visit from some neighboors whom we'd not met before. I was so grossed out....they're just not my type! : ) I almost thought my sister was pulling my leg, but I finally found there's something to it. We now joke that we''' tell people there's a pineapple for every encounter. (There's 6.)

Anonymous said...

Has anyone shoved a pineapple up their ass?

Anonymous said...

This is funny!!!

Anonymous said...

i am also in atlanta, and am curious of this lifestyle. I also heard of this upside pineapple being a signal. we will see :)

Anonymous said...

In our neighborhood, if you have a pineapple flag, it symbolizes a.....wild...pool party